Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Leaving the house
I have come to realize that I now have anxiety leaving the house! When I leave the house there is no way for my hubby to get a hold of me and all I can think about is what if something happens to them and they cant call me. It is really starting to become a problem. I leave the house once a week for maybe an hour if that because my anxiety goes through the roof. In just 4 weeks we will begin our new life and I am super excited and relieved because I don't think I can handle this separation any longer. To top it off almost every night for the past 2 weeks or so right before I try to go to bed I start thinking about my appointment in Juarez. I replay in my mind everything I did and said and wonder if I could have done more. I can hear that lady telling me I have the 10 year ban and those feelings of hurt, disappointed and just plain heart broken all come back to me. I know I need to give myself more time because it has only been 2 months since I got the ban but being alone and trying to deal with this is very hard. And the week I didn't talk to my daughter threw our schedule so off that she still hardly talks to me. I normally am the most positive, happy person but I think I have reached my limit. I have not lived with my husband in almost 2 years and I have been apart from my daughter since February. I hope my next post will be to talk about how amazing things are going in Mexicali but we shall see. I have faith in God that everything happens for a reason and I just hope that soon everything just starts falling back into place.
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While it has been 4.5 years since my husband's appointment at the Embassy, I remember those early days clearly. Such a painful time. And, that is just from my perspective. I can only imagine how you feel. My husband was in the same boat as you are. Just waiting and waiting.
ReplyDeleteI was 8 months pregnant when he got the bar. So, he missed out on the birth of Emily, our youngest. So, he couldn't wait for us to move down! And, I am sure the time is going slowly.
Really, there is nothing anyone can say to help you. I hope the time goes faster and they get down to you. Because, waiting and being without them, obviously, is taking a toll on you.
But, while it will seem like forever to wait out these next few weeks, before you know it, it will be 6 months from now.
So, just sit tight, stay in the house if it makes you feel better. But, just know that I know where you are coming from. I definitely feel for you. Hang in there!
Thank you Valarie for your understanding and support. It helps me a lot to know that I am not the only one going through this and that you have been able to find happiness here in Mexico. :)
ReplyDeleteDont be to hard on yourself. You are going to have good and bad days. It is really hard being on the receiving end of the phone calls and waiting. Javi finally told me when I was away to just try and call whenever I wanted because he could not take worrying about being home and on time for all the calls. Just think about all the new and exciting posts you will be telling us about soon. :)
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