Zumba/Christmas/Quotes

I'm a little late on the whole zumba thing but I just discovered it on youtube and I am loving it! I found a whole bunch of videos and made a playlist that I can workout to. Today was my first day and I only did like 25 minutes, to say I am out of shape would be an understatement lol. I've had the insanity workout for a long time but I can never stick to it, it's just too dang hard and I can't keep up. Now with zumba I can loose weight and get my cardio up, then tone up with insanity. When my hubby gets home I'm gonna have him measure me and I'll weigh myself, and take before pictures to motivate me and everything. Since my last "health" post I changed my overall diet and I eat a lot healthier. I'm not sure if I've actually lost any weight but I feel better and have way more energy. One tip I do have is allow yourself to have a "cheat" day once a week. I don't mean pig out like it's the end of the world, which is not today. I mean if you have a cookie or go out to eat for date night, it's okay. When I use to diet I would cave and eat something I shouldn't and I would just say, screw it and then just eat like crap again. But if you allow yourself to cheat just once a week and something small, you don't feel like you've let yourself down. And to be honest, every once in a while a girl just needs to have a slice of cake, or a little ice cream, or some yummy twix and not feel guilty afterwards. Any who, Christmas is just a few days away and I am super excited! My family have all sent me gifts and waited to the last minute to send them but it's all good. I can't wait to see what I get and have some clothes that actually fit for a change! On a completely different note, it is cold out here! I didn't think Mexicali would be this cold and I'm still washing clothes by hand and let me tell you my fingers are just gonna completely fall off soon. Since my hubby only has Sundays off we drove around looking for a "lavanderia" here and the few we did find were all closed. I think I'm just gonna pack all out dirty clothes in the trunk, give my hubby some change and have him wash our clothes in the States. That would be so weird to just know I'm wearing clothes from somewhere I'm banned from. I'm sneaky like that. :) I give props to all the blogs I read and every post has a topic and they stick to it. It's hard for me to talk about just one thing. When I read back on some of my posts I'm like dang, concentrate woman. O well, I like my randomness. Okay now I really must go before my mind wonders off anymore and I keep talking nonsense. Life is good my friends, very good indeed! One more thing, I found a quote a few days ago and I just love it. I feel like it fits me perfectly. No matter where life takes me, you'll always find me with a smile. :)  

2 years

Wow I can't even believe today marks 2 years since I've been in Mexico! Being a stay at home mom I kind of loose track of the days and this morning I woke up sad and almost wanting to cry, I looked at the date and it all clicked. I want to first post this "note" I wrote on Facebook a year ago and then the one I wrote today. I have come a long way and even though 2 years may not seem like much to someone, for me its a huge step in the right direction! I already know today is gonna be an emotional day but with my family by my side I know I'll be just fine! :)

One Year
November 18, 2011

I remember as if it were just yesterday, when they came to knock on my door. I had just
 gotten home from the store with my little family and I was putting on Sofia's new mickey
 mouse earrings, i only got one on before they told me ICE was outside looking for me, i 
went and hid in the crawl space of my house with a blanket covering me. i remember being 
able to hear my daughters laughter as she played with the kids and feeling so angry and
 ashamed that i had to hide like i was a real criminal, as if i really hurt someone or broke
 the law. my "crime" was being in the country illegally. Not a choice i made for myself but 
one that was made for me when i was 2 years old and since i turned 18, it was something i 
tried so hard to fix. i remember hiding and holding back tears, thinking that i don't want to
 hide for the rest of my life and i will confront them and end this once and for all. once they 
left i came out, my husband had come to an agreement that if i turned myself in the next 
day at 10 am with my lawyer present i would be able to just get an ankle monitor and go
 home and proceed with my case. but they lied. I remember that last night waking up
 almost every hour to just watch my husband and daughter sleep, and i had a feeling this 
was all going to be taken away soon. I went in the next day and turned myself in like we 
agreed. I got called back with my lawyer and i remember ICE asking me if i had a criminal 
record, i told them no and they thought i was lying, they said were gonna take your
fingerprints and run your name, and the truth will come out. i told them good because
 I'm not a criminal. once they realized it was true they started checking my immigration record
 and said you have a prior deportation( from when i was 14 years old, and again i was not
 old enough to make my decisions, another choice that was made for me) and that i had to
 go to jail for at least 6 months and then be deported!! i just covered my face with my 
hands and cried, i felt so helpless. thank God my lawyer fought for me and i only got 2 
weeks. Then the worst part, they called my husband and daughter back and i had to tell them
 i wont be going home with them, i was going to jail. we hugged each other and prayed
 and tried to stay strong because Sofia was there but we couldn't. that was the hardest thing
 I've ever had to do! then i was placed in a jail cell and from a little window i saw my family 
walk out, and i waved bye to them and i remember so clearly seeing Sofia look at me like
 mom we're leaving now, lets go... i wanted to die! 

as i sat there i just froze, i stopped crying and waited to be taken to jail. once in jail i remember seeing all these crack heads and women that had lost there children to the state because they were addicts. in my dorm i was with a women for DUI, a prostitute, 2 women for intentional child abuse, one for 
murder, another for stealing her moms car, and a tweeker. i remember feeling SO angry
 just looking at them and thinking what a waste of papers!!! if i had papers i would be in 
college full time, work full time, and do everything possible to have a better life for me and
 my family. i just sat there while they all told there drug stories and how they got caught, 
and when i told my story they all shut up and said i didn't deserve to be there. it was so
 degrading to be in there, and the smell of jail is horrible, it has a stench of like b.o. and jail
 food, it was disgusting. but i did learn how to make a tampon out of a pad, hairspray, 
eyeliner, lip gloss, use a sock n comb to cover my eyes because they never shut off all the 
lights, and lots of other stuff. i guess that was the up side. and the visits were awesome,
 seeing my husband and all my family made me feel so happy. then came the day i got 
deported. they called us at 3am, of course i didn't sleep at all, they gave us our clothes back 
and shackled us. and let me tell u they did not feed us, not even give us water. we were 
taken in a van to the airport, and once we all got out there were tons of police officers with
 all there guns in hand ready to use. once on the plane we went to Las Vegas to pick up 
more ppl, then to New Mexico, and Arizona, final stop was El Paso Texas. when we got off 
they took us to a bus and we drove to the border, matamoros, tamaulipas Mexico. we got 
there at almost 8:30 and that's when they finally unshackled us, i remember my ribs hurt for 
days and i had marks on my wrists and ankles. my friend Laura that i met in jail waited for
 me until my father in law came to pick me up, her family got there first. once in the car i 
felt so relieved, we went to my father in laws, sisters house to spend the night. he had 
arrived a day before and brought me all of my clothes, i remember talking to him and 
saying yesterday was the last day of my life that i will be illegal. i will never allow anyone to
 treat me like that again, and i have kept my word. the first 3 months in Mexico were hell 
because i was alone. once my daughter and husband got there passports they came 2 
weeks later on Feb.17, 2011. that was the first time i saw my daughter since i waved 
goodbye from the small jail cell in the ICE office. i was shaking so much and cried, she was
 so much bigger than when i last had seen her. i have gone through so much in a year but i am
 still so blessed, i have my daughter with me, my husband visits every few months and i live
 in a small quiet town where all the ppl love me and Sofia. i am not trying to sound like a 
victim but all of this happened because of choices my parents made for me, i just hope i 
never do that to my daughter or any future children. i thank God everyday for all of my 
blessings and pray that i go home soon. i know that everything happens for a reason and 
only God knows why. I am thankful for my family and very few friends that keep in touch 
and always make me feel loved. thank you, love Gaby!!   



2 years down, 8 to go...
December 2,2012

I just re-read my last note from a yr ago and it brought back so many emotions. I am proud of where I am today. It's has bn a long hard rod and we still have a while to go but with Gods help I know we will make it. For the past month I have bn in. A funk, I have my happy moments but then I have my really sad moments where al I want to do is lock myself in my room and cry. It just hit me today why, today marks two years since I have bn in Mexico. According to my 10 yr ban, today marks two years completed. I am that much closer to my dream. It may not seam like a lot but its a big step forward for me. Its still hard some days and I begin to question everything I've ever done and wonder if I didn't do enough, if perhaps I could have done more to avoid causing so much pain to my family. I know that I'm the reason we now live in the border, I'm the reason that so much pain has been brought to my husband and daughter and all of my family. I'm the reason my daughter now has separation anxiety and my husband has to wake up at 3 am to cross the border in order to be at work on time at 7 am. But I know I can't think like that but to be honest it's really hard not to. I try and stay busy during the day but no matter how much I fight it, these same thoughts always creep into my mind, they haunt me. I know it's still too soon and I need more time to let myself heal from all of this. It's only bn a few months since I got the 10 yr ban, only 3 months since I've lived here and only 2 since my husband moved out here. But I think after today my heart can begin to heal a little more. I am that much closer to my goal and I am moving in the right direction. 


I promise myself to try and enjoy my time more. I am blessed to say that I am able to stay at home and take care of my daughter and watch her grow into an amazing little girl. I have the most amazing husband and in just a few days it will be 4 yrs since I married the man of my dreams. And at the end of the day what matters most in this life is not what car you drive, how much money you have or how big your house is. It's your family and finding true love. I have been so blessed to already have what matters most in this world, a man who treats me like a queen and my daughter who no matter how sad I feel at times, always makes me smile. I don't know what the future holds, only God does, but my faith is strong that no matter what happens, everything will be okay. I am really going to try my best to not think of the future and enjoy this precious time I get with my family, because they are truly all I need.

It's starting to feel like home

I think I did jinx myself last time because my sister did not come and visit which was a bummer but its okay because since trying to plan that trip now we talk almost everyday and that's pretty awesome. After 2 months of living here, yesterday I finally got around to decorating my house and it's finally starting to feel like home. Its really hard hanging picture frames on concrete walls and it took me a few hours but I think it turned out pretty well. For Thanksgiving, my hubby had the day off and we decided to go to the zoo out here and it was a lot better than I expected. We had a lot of fun and bought Sofia a little giraffe that she calls Melman, like the one from Madagascar. And since Christmas is now in full swing I wanted to put up a tree but I would have to buy all of the ornaments and everything all over again which can get a bit pricey so we opted for a paper tree this year. Its a little bit taller than Sofia and she had the best time ever making it. We have been so blessed so far here and I am so grateful for that. Some more good news is that I just found a church that has service at 4 pm on Saturdays so now we can attend church since my hubby gets home from work around 1! The holidays are just around the corner and I'm so excited. I cant wait to see my daughter open all of her presents and just spend time together and have some yummy food. I can't help but feel happy and grateful. Smile because life is beautiful and I promise you there is always a reason to smile! :)

November update

It's November already! This year has flown by for me, and I am grateful for that because now I am with my family. Thank goodness my hubby found a job so quickly but they are really strict about being late, if your late only 2 times, you're fired! So on my hubby's first day he underestimated the border crossing times, even after I tried to convince him and was late. That was really scary because that's it, no more chances. After that he got so paranoid that now he leaves at 3:30 am to be to work by 5:30 am, then he takes a nap until he starts work at 7 am. On his way home is was taking like 5 minutes to cross back into Mexico and now it's taking almost an hour. My hubby works about 55-60 hours a week but if you add on how long it takes him to get to and from work its like 80+ a week! He gets home so tired that we just hurry and eat dinner, he showers and then straight to bed. I am so thankful that he works so hard for us and does it all with a smile on his face. If it were me I would come home with the biggest attitude, and he comes home and still asks me how was my day and plays with our daughter.

Because of my hubby's crazy work schedule we only have Sundays together but he spends most of the day sleeping, trying to prepare for the week ahead. I still haven't had a chance to really see Mexicali and what it has to offer. Although we did find this little hole in the wall that sells the best tacos ever, so score there! O, and my sister might come and visit me this weekend! She is still trying to figure a few things out but it looks like after 2 years I might be able to finally see her again! I hope by posting that I didn't just jinx myself, we shall see.

Since I am home alone with my daughter so much I started doing preschool with her. I have two books that is the curriculum for the whole year and she is loving it. I try and study the bible while she does her work. Between school time, cooking, cleaning, and washing clothes by hand my days go by really fast. I try and take my daughter to the park, hoping there will be other kids there she can play with but lately it's just all teenagers, no little kids. She now officially has imaginary friends. It started with an imaginary dog but now she has a whole little family going on. And you know immigration has been a big part of our lives when my daughter tells me, don't worry mom, all my friends have papers here in Mexico so they don't have to leave okay. It was cute and sad all at the same time.

All in all things are great! My family is together, and we're happy and healthy. I thank God my hubby has work and I am able to stay home with my daughter. Hopefully soon I will have a camera and can take pictures to post. Until then here's one from my iPad. Have a great day everyone, and don't forget to smile because life is amazing and God is good!

A sign from God

The entire reason we began looking into moving to Mexicali was because of an amazing family we met in Ciudad Juarez the day after I got my 10 year ban. We had breakfast together and they made Mexicali sound like a beautiful oasis in the middle of the desert. They gave us their phone number and lots of very helpful tips and we each went our way. I clearly remember going back into out hotel room and saying a prayer to thank God for giving us the answer to our problem so quickly and not letting us struggle for long, I mean he gave us the answer to our problems the next day! I tried to stay in touch but after playing phone tag I think we both just gave up and lost touch. Well on Sunday it had marked been exactly one week since my husband moved out here permanently. The original plan was that I would live here with my daughter and he would continue to work until the end of the year and with taxes he would move out here and that would give us a safe net. Well that plan started falling apart after my husband didn't get his highly anticipated promotion and with out that it wasn't really worth being apart anymore. My husband and I talked about it for almost 2 weeks until we made the decision that he would just move out here and we would just hope and pray he found a job really soon.

Now back to Sunday, we were so stressed out after filling out what felt like 100 applications and spending all week looking for jobs we had yet to hear back from anyone. We were even considering that my hubby move back to Salt Lake and ask for his job back until taxes and then try again. Later on that night we went to good old Wal-Mart to buy some groceries and just as we were about to leave there they were, the family that had started this all! We both kind of walked past each other I think in disbelief but we turned around and we hugged and said our hellos and I swear they greeted us like we were family or long lost friends and it was awesome! It was another sign from God to just have a little more faith and patience. We both went to sleep a lot calmer that night and the next day bright and early my husband got a call for an interview, he got hired on the spot and today was his first official day!!!!!

I am so happy and blessed that this has all worked out. God works in mysterious ways but his timing is always perfect and if we just have faith and work hard, it will all work out! We also went to church for the first time this past Saturday and in bible study they talked about how we all sometimes let problems overwhelm us and we need to have more faith and trust in God because after all, no matter what happens God always has the solution to all of our problems. It has just been an amazing few days for my family and I. Maybe soon my hubby can even go back to Salt Lake and finish bringing all of our things because the air mattress we bought just can't compare to our comfy bed lol. Also I want to apologize if I made it sound like he was already here but I didn't want it to be known that I was living alone with my daughter in a border town I don't even know. I'm kind of paranoid like that. I hope everyone has a beautiful day surrounded by your loved ones, I know I will ;)

Time to get in shape

So I know I've lived in Mexico for a while now but I have never looked into getting a gym membership before and dang they are expensive!! Back at home we were paying about $33 for my husband and I at our local rec center. Here in Mexico for a good gym it would cost almost $90 USD for our membership a month. They do have a daycare available but it's not included. You have to pay an extra $20 pesos every visit and it has a 2 hour limit. For some reason my husband and I tend to loose more weight during winter, I know weird right? When I was 9 months pregnant I weighed 239 and I'm only 5'6''! When I began to work out with my hubby my daughter was 4 months old, it was November 2009 and my starting weight was 210. I lost 30 lbs that winter and since I have been in Mexico I have lost a total of 55 lbs but in the last few months I have gained some of it back. For the first time in my life I was feeling in shape and healthy and no one was calling me gorda anymore. All of my clothes were falling off of me and I was feeling great. Now my pants are beginning to feel a little tight and I think it's time for a gym membership. I have the insanity program but that is more to build cardio, I loose very little weight off that. Shortly after I was deported my husband gained a lot of weight from so much stress. He is 6'1'' and was pushing 320! Now he is down to 270 and he is mostly muscle and I don't want to be that fat wife of the buff guy lol. So I think it's time we get back into shape, who am I kidding, it's time I get into shape for the first time ever. Here are three pictures, one I am almost 9 months pregnant and weigh 239. I apologize for the second picture but it's the only body shot I have and I think I weighed about 160 here and it was almost a year ago. The third one is the most recent taken just 2 months ago and I also weighed 160. You can see the difference and I definitely want to keep the weight off. 

Home Sweet Home

I am seriously loving every second of being here in Mexicali. I thank God for sending us here and having everything fall into place so effortlessly. This is my new home sweet home and is awesome! I still need to decorate and put up the finishing touches to make it feel complete but let me tell you its kinda hard to hang up all of my picture frames and wall art when the walls are all cement. I'm use to drywall, where I can just grab a thumb tack and easily press it in and voila, I'm done. Here, since we are renting, I can't make holes in these lovely cement walls. We went to our local Wal-Mart and bought two of those wall things that don't damage the wall ( my bad, I already threw away the packaging and I forgot what it's called). They each hold 3 lbs and they come with a double sided adhesive tape thing and I used both of the to hang up our bathroom mirror and it worked. The only thing I don't like about those sticky wall things are the hooks to actually hold up the mirror are huge and stick out a lot. I got creative and used some string aka an old shoe lace to hang it up and it worked out great. Now I have to think of a way to hang my smaller wall art so that you can't see those giganormous hooks. On to laundry, I have to wash clothes by hand again. I really don't mind and I am proud I even know how. When I lived in Queretaro for a year I had to wash clothes by hand but my lavadero was a nice size and I could easily wash my jeans and towels there. The lavadero I have now looks like my old one pooped this one out. Its ridiculous how small it is. My shirts barley fit but that's okay. Hopefully in a few months we can buy a washer. It's so hot here that I hang my clothes to dry in and 3 hours tops everything is dry. I want to bring all of our big furniture down here but everyone keeps telling us we will pay too much in taxes and it would be cheaper to just buy all new things. I have a king size bed, a dinning room table my dad made me, my washer and dryer and a few more things. Did anyone bring their furniture and larger items with them to Mexico? If so do you feel it was worth it with the taxes you paid? Thanks in advance. Well I think that's enough rambling for today, it's a beautiful day today and I plan to enjoy it! :)